Date with Mommy

Alan was in Washington timing a race all day yesterday so I took Spencer on a little date.  We started by hanging out at his favorite local toy store for awhile.  I feel bad that we hardly ever buy anything there, but they have so many fun toys for kids to play with in the store.

Then, we went mini golfing at a local golf course since they were having family day and only charging a dollar per golfer.  We had sort-of taken Spencer mini golfing when he was 2, but this was his first real time going.  He did alright when he would swing the way I showed him, but he mostly just liked to hit it his own way.  Sadly, I have lost all of the mini golfing skills I developed in college so we both stunk.  Spencer still loved it though.  Hitting a ball with a stick is always entertaining.  He loved running ahead to see what number of hole we were on too.  I didn't bother keeping score and I'm glad Alan wasn't there to see me.  It was embarrassing.

We had blueberry, banana, walnut, chocolate chip pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner.  And had then planned to watch a movie while giving Spencer a hair cut.  He decided he didn't want a hair cut though and spent nearly and hour crying about it in his room.  I didn't want to force him and I couldn't convince him to come downstairs for anything.  I've got to figure out something though because he needs a trim.  Oh well, at least the first part of the date was perfect.  :)

First Day of Summer

Look what it was actually warm enough to do on the first day of summer here!  (Never mind that the last three days have been 60 degrees and yucky rainy.)  I was too busy chatting to take many pictures, but Spencer had a great time at this cool splash park.  We'll definitely be going back so I can get better pics next time.

Father's Day

This turned out to be the perfect way to spend Father's Day afternoon.  I am so blessed to have three wonderful fathers in my life: my own Dad, my father-in-law and Alan.  Each of them has contributed so much to our family and I'm thankful for them every day.  Alan is the best daddy Spencer could ever ask for.  He's always willing to play and be silly.  I love my boys!

The Refuge

After a conversation with my book group on Friday, I decided that our family needs to be better and getting out and enjoying some of the beautiful sites we have in Oregon.  We've been in Oregon for nearly six years now and there are still so many places we've never been.  We started small on Saturday with a trip to the Tualatin River Wildlife Refuge just a five-minute drive from our house.  As the name suggests, the Refuge is a sanctuary for birds and other small wildlife.  They have several miles of walking trails and we picked a 1.5 mile loop.  It was a gorgeous evening without rain, but with clouds that were thinking about it.

 Alan was tired from a race he had run in the morning, but Spencer wanted to race the whole way.  (I am still exempt from racing due to my knee.  A few months ago I wouldn't have even been able to walk it though.)  On your marks...

 This is how Spencer insisted on "walking" when they weren't racing.  We heard and saw hundreds of birds, frogs, snakes and mosquitoes.  It was neat.  I just wish I could identify more birds by their calls.  Something to learn.

And this was my view when Spencer decided he had to use the bathroom about a 1/3 of the way through.  Alan wound up running with Spencer on his shoulders to get to the bathroom in time.

I finished with tired feet, but feeling refreshed from nature.  Successful first outing!

Celebrate

I wanted to do something new for my birthday this year, so we went to Portland's Rose Festival for the first time.  Somebody was a little grouchy at first.

I had always wanted to see the dragon boat races.  There are 18 rowers in each boat.  We just wanted a couple of races, but they were fun.

For some reason, I thought there would be a lot more to do at the Rose Festival than there actually was.  We probably should have gone to the parade, but I didn't want to get up early.  Because we needed something to do, we wound up paying a disgusting amount for Alan and I to get into the carnival and then for Spencer to ride two rides.  Alan and I really hate carnivals because we get sick on rides.  Spencer had a great time though so I guess it was worth it.  I'm glad we went to the Rose Festival once, but I don't think I need to go back again.

We walked through the Portland Saturday Market with its hundreds of odd people selling odd things on our way back to our car.   Spencer was thrilled when we found this water fountain. 

We went out to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner because I didn't even want to look at my kitchen.  Alan made me some delicious fish tacos and my traditional apricot upside-down cake the next day though.  I felt spoiled all weekend and it was a good birthday.  Thanks for celebrating with me Alan and Spencer!

The End of a Decade

Tomorrow is my 30^th birthday.  I only have a few hours left until I am officially out of my 20’s and I’m struggling with it a little.  Mostly because I guess I always assumed that I would be a little further along in life by the time I turned 30.  And by “further along” I mean have more kids.  (Not that the wrinkles and spider veins make me feel good either though.)  I have spent most of our marriage and a good chunk of the last decade trying to get pregnant.  As of four weeks ago though, I’m done.  I’m done taking my temperature and keeping track of what cycle day I’m on.  The emotional stress has gotten to be too much.  Ironically, it is a HUGE relief to give up.  Not that I’ve given up hope that we’ll ever have another baby, but I am giving up with the way we have been trying.  It’s not working.  I don’t have any answers about what our next steps should be, so I’m just going to enjoy my life the way it is right now.

The real purpose of this entry is to help me think about what I have accomplished so far in my life and what I still want to do.  I don’t have a bucket list.  Maybe this will turn into one.  I just want to be sure that I’m not wasting my life by pining away for a baby when I already have so much.

       

So, things I did while in my 20’s:

• took a lot of great dance classes at BYU
• made life-long friends at BYU
• developed my own testimony
• worked to pay my own bills
• met and married by best friend
• received my own endowments
• learned to love running
• ran 6 marathons and many more half-marathons, 10ks and 5ks
• graduated from college with honors and a BA
• taught school for 4 years
• moved far away from my own family to Oregon
• struggled with infertility
• suffered a miscarriage
• had a beautiful baby boy
• made a lot of mistakes as a wife and mother
• learned to be a better mother
• learned to be a better wife
• bought a home
• learned to garden and take care of a yard
• became a much better cook
• learned to eat better
• spent MANY hours serving others by babysitting
• taught preschool
• worked at the YMCA
• made more life-long friends

Goodness, I feel better already.  Everyone should seriously make a list like this once in awhile!  Even if my life hasn’t gone exactly as I planned (does it ever for anyone?), my 20’s were filled with life-changing, character-building experiences.  I am a much deeper, stronger and more faithful girl (I still can’t call myself a woman) than I was ten years ago. 

Now, some things I still want to accomplish:

• continue strengthening my faith in and my relationship with my Savior
• continue strengthening my relationship with Alan
• learn to be a better mother
• help others dealing with infertility
• continue to improve my and my families’ eating habits
• read more good books
• keep and make more good friends
• be content with my life
• learn more about photography
• start playing the piano again

  
Each of those things is under my control.  There are certainly things in my life that I can’t control, but I have control over the things that will make me happy and bring me lasting joy.  It's up to me to grow as much during the my 30's as I did during my 20's.  There is so much hope for the future.  Happy Birthday to me!

1st Race

One of the cool things about Uberthons is that they have a 1k Kid's Race after the other races are finished.  Alan and I have tried to get Spencer to run before, but he has always been adamant about not wanting to do it - until last week.  He suddenly decided that he wanted to run, but I was worried because he was quite sick on Thursday and Friday.  Miraculously however, his cough disappeared and he woke up feeling great on Saturday morning, so we both put on our Uberthons shirts and headed off.

Spencer was really excited that he got his own bib number.  I was planning on running it with him, but was surprised when he wanted to hold my hand the entire race.  (He told me today that I have to run behind him next time!)  I was so proud of him for running the entire way though.  A 1k is about two-thirds of a mile and that's pretty long for a 4-year-old.  There were a lot of older kids who stopped and walked.  I guess Spencer inherited Alan's and my running genes.  All of the kids got a ribbon at the end and Spencer had such a great time that he says he wants to run five more races so he can collect every color of ribbon.

The race was on some trails at a nice park, so we got to play on the playground for a few minutes afterward. 

Mater and Lightning McQueen even showed up!

This is what Alan does almost every Saturday morning these days.  Uberthons' reputation for good, quality work is spreading.  Alan's Dad had a 75-year-old veteran runner tell him that this was the best directed race he had ever run.  That is saying something.  They have invested in some pretty fancy equipment and even have touch-screens with the race results at the finish line.  All finish times are posted to the internet within a minute of crossing the finish line.  It's quite impressive compared to all of the other races I've run.

I guess it's official - we're an Uberthons family!

Worried

While our trip was wonderful, we found out in the middle of it that not everything was so wonderful with Spencer.  Our friends had been so careful with his peanut allergy all day, but forgot for two seconds just before bedtime the first night.  Two bites into a peanut butter cookie, Spencer started having an allergic reaction.  He immediately asking if the cookie had peanut butter in it.  Although feeling sick and upset, he fell asleep alright.  He woke up a couple of hours later though and spent a good portion of the night throwing up and moving to clean beds.  He seemed fine in the morning and poor Annie and Dan just had to deal with being exhausted from taking care of him all night.

That is by far the worst reaction Spencer has ever had.  He's never thrown up more than once after accidentally eating peanuts.  And it is so easy to forget for just a second.  I've never been too terribly concerned about his allergy because his reactions have been so minimal, but I am worried now.  If they are getting so much worse with each exposure, who knows when he'll go into anaphylactic shock?  We've had epi-pens for a couple of years now.  I always keep one in my purse, but haven't worried about sending one with him when he's away from home without me.  I think his backpack with the epi-pen in it are going to become his permanent sidekicks now.

Despite the drama, Spencer still had a fabulous time staying at Andrew's house.  They are such good buddies and Dan is such a great stay-at-home dad.  He did all kinds of fun things with the boys.  Sadly for me, Spencer burst into tears the moment he saw Alan and I because he didn't want to go home.  It says a lot for the Ruden's that Spencer loved being there that much even with the throwing up all night.

9 Years

Crazily enough, it has now been 9 years since Alan and I were married in the Manti Temple.  It feels like we've been together forever, but it has gone fast at the same time.  Weird.  We were lucky this year because some friends owed us some serious babysitting time and agreed to take Spencer for three days and two nights for Alan and I to get away.  Alan's work schedule and fertilitystress haven't made this the easiest year of our marriage, so this was a much-needed break.

There were so many great possibilities that we had a hard time deciding what to do, but wound up spending a third of the time in Seattle, a third in Lincoln City and the other third driving.  (It was too much driving, but we didn't want to pass up the free beach house!  And, we had a good book on cd to listen to.)

We got to meet up with Katelyn and Zac in Seattle.  It was so fun to see someone from my side of the family.  We bummed all over downtown Seattle with them - visiting Pike Place, the wharf and the gum wall.  Luckily, I had a piece of gum to add to this lovely work of art.

Later in the afternoon, Alan and I took a short ferry ride to Bainbridge Island just to check it out.  It was a welcome change of pace after the crowds and noisy of Seattle.  The town seemed almost empty.  We visited a few more shops and had dinner before taking the ferry back to our car.  The day was a little cool, but the clouds made for a gorgeous sunset.

The next morning, we visited the Seattle Temple.  It was gorgeous and reminded me a lot of the Provo temple.  Sadly, we didn't find anyone to take a picture of us together.

 Lincoln City is super relaxing for us because it's so familiar.  We didn't do anything exciting there, but just had fun walking on the beach and relaxing.  We did both go running (I even went a whole mile without pain!) and tried to visit a tide pool, but the tide didn't get low enough to see much.  We also got ice cream cones at our favorite place, but after my zero sugar diet for the last couple of months I felt sick after I ate it.  Next time I'll just share a couple of bites of Alan's.

It was so wonderful to be reminded of the things we like so much about each other that brought us together in the first place.  Alan is the least judgmental person I have ever met and is so easy to get a long with.  He never takes offense at anything.  I tend to be much more critical and sensitive so we balance each other out nicely.  Thanks for being my best friend Alan.  I love you!