February

Gracie turned 15 months old in February! She was such a cute, little mess-maker! Here's what I wrote about her at the time:

Busy, busy walker! Loves to explore and always finding new things to get into: toilet paper, potties, garbage cans, any cupboard or drawer that is not locked.

Mostly sleeping through the night. Wakes up once in a while due to a soggy diaper or bad dream. Still napping twice a day but having a harder time going down. Probably getting close to transitioning to one nap.

Still eats amazing! We finally got her eczema to clear up with prescription strength hydrocortisone cream. We suspect she has a sensitivity to dairy and have been avoiding it for about 2 months. She drinks almond milk bottles now.

Favorites:

walking and exploring; soft, cuddly toys and blankets; going “out” each day; playing with her brothers; giving Mason hugs; shoes!; seeing other kids when we’re out; going to Mason’s school or church

Recently learned:

how to point, how to turn light switches on and off, how to put things in (vs. always just taking them out)

After a break from swim lessons for a few months, we signed Mason up for another session. I can't remember if I just took this picture to show the bruise he got by his lip from knocking a tooth out at school or if I was documenting swim lessons. Mason did so amazing though and passed Level 4 after just one session!!!

Shoes!

Activity Day service project of cleaning the nursery toys. The boys enjoyed this way more than I thought they would. Mason had fun with his friends Lincoln and Colt.

Mason started having some serious mental health struggles at the end of January. We eventually figured out that many of the struggles were side effects of the anti-depressants he was taking. I won't give all of the details here but there was a lot of rage, depression, tantruming, and school refusal. We wound up calling the suicide crisis line once and took him to the ER at the children's hospital another time. Mason was in extreme emotional pain and it was absolutely awful. He missed a lot of school and the pictures I took show the good moments when he was home with us. Things got so bad at the end of February that we made the decision to pull Mason out of school as we detoxed him off all medication and allowed him to begin to heal from the trauma. 

Alan and I put every once of effort we possibly could into loving and attending to Mason. It was exhausting for us and so difficult when Mason's behaviors were sometimes very aggressive towards us. Those weeks were hands down the hardest we have experienced as parents and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. I don't know if there's anything worse than seeing your child in such extreme distress. Thankfully, Mason is doing a million times better as I am writing this in July. He still has some struggles but nothing like he was having in February and March.

We have always known that Mason would have to process, grieve, and cope with his adoption at some point, but had no clue how it would look. I found the following written on The Feathered Nest Blog yesterday and it describes our journey and my feelings so well that I wanted to save it here. Reading it again makes me cry because the feelings are so raw and so true. It is so hard but I am so humbled and honored to be part of this journey with Mason and with Grace as she grows.

You adopted a child from birth.

You thought maybe… just maybe… starting early would protect them from the pain.

You gave them everything.

Love. Stability. Safety.

Middle-of-the-night rocking and morning snuggles.

Prayers whispered over their crib when no one else was listening.

But trauma came anyway.

It showed up in the outbursts.

In the fear.

In the way they test your love over and over,

just to make sure you will still be there.

And you are.

You stay.

You study.

You listen to adoptees.

You read the hard books.

You sit with your own discomfort, because you know,

this is not about you.

This is about helping a child heal.

A child who lost everything before they could even speak.

A child who didn’t ask for this story, but now has to live it.

And you?

You’re choosing to live it with them.

Years pass.

Now your child is grown.

They have questions.

Some you can answer.

Some you cannot.

But you try.

You search.

You advocate.

You do not shut them down.

You do not feel less of a parent because they want to find their roots.

You stand beside them.

You hold space for the pieces of them that started before you.

Because love does not fear the truth.

Love walks into it.

That’s Christlike.

Not the shiny, Sunday-morning kind.

But the gritty, foot-washing, cross-carrying kind.

The kind that says,

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Even when it’s hard.

Even when the world doesn’t understand.

Even when the healing is slow.

You had them since birth.

And trauma still came.

But so did love.

So did grace.

So did you.

And you’re still here.

That’s what makes this holy.

I cam out of the bathroom to find Grace like this. I think she had slipped into this position and thought it was fun so she stayed there and played. :)

Our extended families were great supports during this time. Katelyn sent these Crumbl cookies one day and we received care packages and cards from many other family members. Many of Alan's siblings have had similar struggles with their own kids and offered lots of love and understanding. We were so grateful for all of them!

Feb 10th marked one year of having Grace in our home. She came on the 10th and Lily officially placed her in our home on the 12th. Those will always be super special days to Alan and I but will likely be hard days for Grace as she grows to understand her adoption. We are grateful for her snuggly, sweet presence in our home every day and I pray that I will be up to the challenge of helping her through the hard when it comes. 

It has become very hard to take pictures of Grace with my DSLR camera because she wants to grab it every time I pull it out. Ha! I love how these two shots turned out though. I love that sweet, little face (and that awesome boy's face) so much!

Snow days in Sherwood! Mason was over the moon thrilled when we got a few inches of snow and school was cancelled for a couple of days. Snow is his favorite! Grace didn't have good shoes for snow and wouldn't keep her gloves on but she thought it was fun for a few minutes. 

Mason made this giant snowball at the park with a few neighborhood kids. He was super proud!

Spencer doesn't care much for playing in the snow, especially when it forces him to run on the treadmill instead of outside. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day was one of the snow days so we had a low-key day and our usual Valentine's dinner.

More messes!

4th grade Native American diorama: (I remember making one of these with my Dad when I was in 4th grade!) Mason did his on the Nez Perce tribe. He is so creative and all of the ideas were his own. I helped make different colors of playdough and helped glue sticks together but he did most of the rest. He was very proud of his work and very excited to take them to school.

Grace discovered sticks at the park and they became her new favorite thing. All she wanted to do at the park was walk around with a stick. Haha!

Spencer was in the middle of a busy Wind Assemble season and practiced his clarinet a lot. He and the 9 other clarinets in his band entered went to State for their Solo and Assemble performance. I got to hear them once at the HS and it was very impressive.

Finally big enough to start riding the bike she got for Christmas! It took a couple more months before she really started loving it. 

OBOB! I coached Mason's team again but had a co-coach this year! First time that has ever happened and it was a life-saver! Patricia was great and we shared the load pretty equally. The Wings of Reading group was fun and energetic and had 3 boys and 2 girls. Mason's mental health struggles prevented him from reading very many of the books and he missed several practices, but I was glad he still wanted to participate in the battles. The team lost their 3rd battle and was out of the tournament but I was proud of their work and good sportsmanship. It's a great program and I hope Mason wants to participate again next year.